Final Fantasy 7 Living
by Jedeye13
Summary: I'm IN A COMEDIC MOOD. Scary isn't it. This one will be a little different. Well it's kind of like another story but different. It stars our favorites from FF7 but with a twist.


Final Fantasy 7 Living  
  
Voice: The Final Fantasy 7 living show is brought to you by the Cantina Brodcasting Network. Now the very beautiful host Aeris Gainsborough.  
  
Aeris: Thank you and welcome to another delgihtful episode of Final Fantasy 7 living. Today I'll be showing you how to make the most beautiful bouquets. Cloud will show you how to get those unsightly blood stains from your swords. Tifa will be showing you a few self defense moves to help in a pinch. Barret & Vince will teach you how to restore your gun just like new. Cid & special guest Shera will give a lesson in aerodynamics for those future Aerospace engineers and for the kids Cait,Red, & Yuffie will have a story. So let's start with Cloud.  
  
Cloud: Thanks honey.  
  
Aeris: Oh you make me blush.  
  
Cloud: So to get those stains out of your sword...Hey where's my sword. Damnit Yuffie give me back my sword.  
  
Aeris: *walks over and through ehr teeth* Dear it's still strapped to your back.  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah. *pulls it out* Okay now...  
  
*back stage*  
  
Yuffie: Why does everyone accuse me of stealing?  
  
Red: Hmm could it be the fact that you steal everybodys materia.  
  
Cait: Maybe if you didn't steal everything then we wouldn't have.....  
  
Cid: SHUT ()&)**^*^)(&)*)*^&%*^ UP! I'm trying to listen. I still can't get that dragon's blood of my Venus Gospel. )(&(%*^&()&   
  
*back on stage*  
  
Cloud: Follow these steps and your blade will look as good as new.  
  
Aeris: Thanky you Cloud. Now on to Vincent & Barret.  
  
Vicent: Thank you Aeris.  
  
Barret: Yeah thanks Aeris.  
  
Vincent: Now since I had spent all that time in that coffin attoning for my sins I perfected gun cleaning.   
  
Barret: Yeah foo when you have thats much times on yous hands you dont gets much other things to do.  
  
Vincent: Okay now all i have to do is reach for my...What is this? A...BB GUN?!  
  
Barret: Foo' yous lucky I just happens to have an extra gun. *pulls out Death Punishment* Here foo' clean this.  
  
Vincent: That's mine.  
  
Barret: Nah foo' this is the Death Punishment not Death Penalty.  
  
Vincent: My mistake. Well okay here first you..  
  
*back stage*   
  
Yuffie: I hope Vincent doesn't mind if I borrow this. *pulls out Death Penalty* Now where's that stupid fly I saw earlier. Here fly..  
  
Cid: YOU SOME KIND OF (&*)^)(^&)^*)_(&^)(&*(#*$& IDIOT! GIVE ME THAT! *takes gun away* DAMN (&)*^*^)*()&^())_  
  
Yuffie: Gawd I can never have any damn fun.  
  
*on stage*  
  
Barret: So foo's you follow my pal Vinny's steps and yous have the cleanest gunsin yous neighborhood.  
  
Aeris: Thank you guys. Now I'll show you how to..Hey where are my flowers?  
  
*back stage*  
  
Tifa: Hey Those are nice flowers Cloud.  
  
Cloud: *out of breath* Yeah I almost forgot to get them for Aeris's segment. Glad I made back in time.  
  
Tifa: *sees Aeris looking for her flowers* Uh Cloud Aeris is already on.   
  
Cloud: *sees Aeris* DAMN! *runs on stage* Here Aeris I wanted to get you fresh flowers for your segment. I hope I didn't cause to much trouble.  
  
Audience: Ahhhh  
  
Aeris: Oh that's so sweet of you. *gives him kiss*   
  
Audience: *people holding up signs Aeris & Cloud forever* Ahhhhhhh *clapping*  
  
Cloud: Now your making me blush. *hugs her and goes off stage*  
  
Aeris: Okay now back to the flowers. So to make a bouquet you....  
  
*back stage*  
  
Cid: Shera you ready.  
  
Shera: One more minute Captain.  
  
Cid: You don't have to call me Captain.  
  
Shera: Okay...Cid. *smiles*  
  
Cid: Uh Shera I uh wanted to say that I uh..  
  
Shera: Oh We're on.  
  
Cid: Damn. *walks on stage*   
  
Aeris: Now evey say hi to our resident Engineers, Shera and Cid.  
  
Shera: Thank you Aeris.   
  
Cid: Yeah thanks. Okay today we are going to talk about rotaion and....  
  
*back stage*  
  
Aeris: Cloud I love you.  
  
Cloud: Aeris i love you. *sitting together*  
  
Tifa: Oh now there not going to start.   
  
Vincent: Start what? *gives her a hug*  
  
Tifa: I saw your spot today.  
  
Vincent: How bad was it?  
  
Tifa: It wasn't bad it was interesting.   
  
Vincent: That bad huh.  
  
Tifa: Now I liked it.   
  
Vincent: I love you.  
  
Tifa: I love you too.  
  
Aeris: And you complain about us.   
  
Cloud: Aeris you're ON!  
  
Aeris: *runs on stage* Thank you Shera and Cid. Now here comes Tifa with today's lesson in self defense.  
  
Tifa: Thank you Aeris. Today as a special guest I have Jedeye as a the attacker.  
  
Anne: Jedeye you're on. *pushes him on stage*  
  
Me: *looking at Anne* I didn't agree to this.  
  
Anne: Sorry I can't hear you?  
  
Me: Damn.   
  
Tifa: You're supposed to be the attacker.  
  
Me: *unethusiastic* Yay look at me. I'm the dangerous atttacker. here I'm going to get you.  
  
Tifa: With some enthusiasm man.  
  
Me: *over enthusiastic* I'M THE ATTACKER GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR MONEY!  
  
Tifa: Freeze. Okay now this is where you you start with Beat Rush, then move on to Somersault, followed by Waterkick, Meteodrive, Dolphin Blow, Meteor Strike, and lastly Final Heaven. This will cause any attackers to be sverely hurt. Here let me show you. *executes everything on me*  
  
Me: WHY ME?! *beat very badly* Can....someone..please..help me.....  
  
Tifa: Uh sorry looks like I got a little carried away.   
  
Me: owww..*dragged off by Anne & 14*   
  
14: Man remind me never to volunteer to be her attacker.  
  
Anne: Sorry I didn't think she was actually going to hit you.  
  
Me: It's okay....I....think I'll....be....okay *falls unconscious*  
  
Aeris: Thank you Tifa for that wonderful.....dispplay. Now for what all the kids have been waiting for. Story Time with Cait, Red, & Yuffie.  
  
Cait & Red: Thank you Aeris.  
  
Yuffie: Yeah thanks.  
  
*back stage*  
  
Barret: Foo' what she doin on there.  
  
Cid: Last minute change of schedule.  
  
Barret: Let's jus hope she don't steal anything from the kids.  
  
Aeris: Oh give Yuffie a break. She has a good heart. *look at her* She just doesn't show it all the time.  
  
*on stage*  
  
Cait: Okay now boys and girls what do you want to hear today. Three Little Pigs, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, or Cinderella?  
  
Yuffie: No not Cinderella. I haven't read that Gold one. *takes book and starts to read* He I like this girl....I can go for some poridge right now....Yeah nap sounds good.....oh no the bears are coming..RUN...I'vedecided that this book is to scarry for these children and So we will read Yuffie the Greatest Materia Hunter EVER!  
  
Cait: I think not.  
  
Red: I'd agree with Cait. So it looks like The Three Little Pigs.  
  
Yuffie: Fine....Oo Let's act it out..Red can be the wolf..  
  
Red: No.  
  
Yuffie: Never get to have any fun. Okay so on with the story....  
  
Cait: Once upon a time....  
  
*back stage*  
  
Shera: So Cid what did you want to say earlier.  
  
Cid: *gets an idea* Here I'll tell you in a minute the shows over. *everyone goes on stage*  
  
Aeris: I would like to thank all my friends and the people at Cantina Broadcasting Networks for making all this possible.  
  
Tifa: I'd like to thank that attacker guy for letting me beat him up. I really hope he doesn't die.  
  
Cid: I have an announcement. *gets on one knee* Shera I know I haven't it been the nicest person well in fact I've been a real Jerk. But you stayed by me all these years and I want to ah I'm no good with words. Shera will you make me the happies man alive and marry me. *everyone shocked*  
  
Shera: Oh Cid..Of course I'll mary you.  
  
Cid: *hugs her and swings her around* I love you shera.  
  
Shera: I love you to Cid. *they kiss and the show ends with a shot of the happy couple*   
  
THE END 


End file.
